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1. Be unpleasant and disagreeable if the offer you get is not what you had hoped for. If instead of a fatty salary and permanent job you get an offer of a temp-to-perm situation or a mediocre salary, be sure to argue and whine. (Of course it’s fine to negotiate in a professional manner or turn the job down entirely, but that is totally different from having a bad attitude and being argumentative with the boss who calls to offer you a position).
2. Be late on your first day. After all, it’s probably no big deal for the people who’ve been there a while to show up 15 minutes late, so you may as well start things off the way you’ll be doing them. They may as well see the real you right off the bat!
3. Be sure to criticize the way things are done. Point out often how much better things were done at your old place. Don’t offer or try to fix anything; just be sure to criticize freely. Fair game for this are anything about the company, the software, or most of all, your new coworkers.
4. Be useless. If you don’t know how to do something, you may as well just sit tight and wait ’til there’s a deadline. Just stare into your monitor that first week and don’t alert anyone that you’re lost. Then with any luck someone else will do your job for you because there’s no time to show you the things you never got when they were explained.
5. Be a smartass to your coworker when she tries to show you some trouble spots in an assignment you’ll be tackling. It can’t be that complicated can it? Be sure to tell her she just obviously didn’t talk to the right person if she’s heard that this is difficult. There’s no doubt you’ll have it mastered quickly, so go ahead and be smug before you even try it.
If you do the five things above, you’re almost guaranteed to have a rotten, if short-lived, experience on your new job!
{ 2 comments }
No 2 should be no1 if you really want to loose your new job. But anyway, you could make some “excuses” for that one, so that’s why it’s no2 on your list
Cheers,
Meg